The shell of humans
I have thought about something. Flaws. We all have them. And most of us hate them so much that we go by spending many hours trying to hide them. But why? What would you be without your flaws? You would be just like everyone else, ordinary, melt in with everybody else. No one would want you for you because it would be so many other versions just like you.
Your flaws are you. That is what makes you you. That’s what makes you special.
One thing I don’t understand is looks, in general. The purpose of them. Why does they even exist? Everything maybe just is a test. Who makes it through and who falls down? Why couldn’t you just see directly into ones soul? Looks just make everything so much harder for so many people. Some even end their own life because they, in the end are so sure that they will never be who they dream of, they will never have their dream looks, their dream shell. Because that is how I see it, it is just shells.
Wouldn’t it be just so much easier if people could just directly see into your soul? See what you are capable of, see your dreams, ambitions, if they could see you and not your looks. Instead they see this incorrect, unfixable shell that represents you. A shell you cannot change, one which is with you your whole lifetime, whether you like it or not. You couldn’t choose, not a single thing - it was just given to you, just like that. It is a shell people judge often without caring about getting to know the person behind the shell, the person inside with all incredible possibilities.
Just with a look some people know, that you aren’t good enough, or at least that is what they think they know. What they want to know, just to make them self feel so much better about their own flaws, which they are trying their best not to show to the world. They are trying the impossible thing - to be ‘perfect’.
But then, maybe, it is all figured out. Maybe it is, I mean really. Maybe it is so that the ones who stay in your life, who sees the greatness of your soul behind your appearance, behind everything ordinary other people see with just one glance. Maybe it is so that the ones who take the time to get to know the person you are, instead of the person they see in front of you, they are the ones who really deserves you.
Life can’t be easy; I don’t demand that it has to be. But why did the one who made it – this so hard and impossible? I mean, couldn’t we at least get a little help when we really needed it? But that’s maybe just the point too. If we couldn’t make it on our own, but instead just get all we wanted every time we faced something hard… That would be really pointless, wouldn’t it?
You know those days when you beg for forgiveness, beg for things to come back to the way it was, just because you were really stupid? You know, just incredibly dumb? If they did everything when you asked them to, just like that, would we learn not to do them again? Would we learn to appreciate things for what it is and not just wish for other things?
No.
I want to believe that there is something more than just this. This shallow, naive place of dumb people I am working so hard to figure out. And I believe there is. But we have to fight and fight again without giving up if we are ever going to find those special people who understand you for you, who make this world feel like another place, a more beautiful place. Those people who match your soul perfectly.
I want to believe in that someone figured it all out, this all out. That all that happens is meant to be happening. That everything somehow matches perfect together.
But I don’t think that whoever created us could see what the world would become when he did. This insane place that I, in this moment don’t want to be in… I believe my time will come, just not just this second. I just have to accept and wait for it. But that’s the hard thing. Waiting. Because you don’t know how long you have to wait. I would like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe not for a reason that happens right this second or the one after, but for the whole big picture.
I just wish people were different. But maybe they are? Just that I haven’t met the ones that are yet? The ones who is going to make my life feel like flying trough the sky, the ones who are going to make me happier than I have ever been, the ones who are going to make my life feel complete, but in a place I still could dream. Maybe it is all meant for me to get out and explore the world, and to find them on the way.
Don’t judge the book by its cover. Don’t judge a snail by its shell.
But that seems to be a rather impossible thing now days. I just hope that this, what we have now leads to something bigger, something better in the future. That the people living in the future can look back at us and really think that we are stupid.
Because we really are, I just hope that there is still hope left in the world. Because I haven’t given up get.
And I am not going to either.
/Hannah Maria Katharina Larsson